Don't Mess with the Doctor
by Bumbleb3e
Summary: Edward Richtofen keeps a diary, and records all his deepest, darkest secrets. When someone finds it, he's not happy. Was meant to be a one-shot, but I'm gonna carry this on I think.
1. Chapter 1

'I met him vhen zey descended upon us in zheir waves.

Under different circumstances, vhe'd never have uttered a vord to one anozher, or vorse. Vhat difference is one dirty Russian from the next?

But he vas different, in a way I can't quite explain. Maybe it is the way he tells the stories of how he killed his wives, or how he handles zhe Wunderwaffe. Or ze way he says 'doctor' in zat sexy growl.

I don't know. I have never been a... man who likes... ozher men... but from zhe first moment I met Nikolai somezhing has been different...'

Edward Richtofen scribbled furiously as he spoke out loud, reveling in the sound of his own voice and that liberating feeling of writing down all your thoughts and locking them away for no one to see. Days, possibly even weeks had passed since he'd had more than a few minutes to himself – he'd lost track, time seemed to blur into one long constant battle against the hordes of undead they'd been plagued by. It was a relief, Edward thought, to be liberated from human and zombie company alike, if only for a short while. It gave him time to think, and he was a natural loner.

'...and ze things I dream of when I find ze time to sleep in this place, zey are like nightmares, but ze thing is, I never vant to wake up. Always, I am surrounded by ze Russian holding ze Wunderwaffe to my head and he's touching me everywhere, and he vants me. And I try to kiss him, but he just slams me into ze wall, taking my clothes down vith one hand vith der Wunderwaffe in ze other...'

Nikolai was bored. He'd quickly grown tired of the overly-competitive poker game with the Jap and the American, so naturally he picked up his vodka and left them to it. He didn't much feel like drinking alone right now, during the precious free time he had before more zombies would surely arrive. Taking a huge swig for the journey, he set off in search of German Doctor. Nikolai usually regarded him as better company than the other two idiots he was stuck with, the lesser of two evils. Making his way through the theater and up the stairs towards the alley, he heard a familiar voice with a thick German accent coming from nearby.

'...I just can't help but vonder if he feels ze same, but I vill never know...'

Nikolai crouched down soundlessly, vodka in hand, eavesdropping intently on the crazy Nazi's conversation with himself, curious. If who feels the same? Does German Doctor like to screw other men? He couldn't be sure, he moved a little closer until Richtofen was just about visible down the stairs.

At that moment, Richtofen stood up, and disappeared out of view. Hearing the dumpster make the clanging sound when someone drops it shut, Nikolai knew it was the doctor. What the hell could he have been talking about a minute ago?

Bang, bang, bang. The doctor stomped up the stairs, Nikolai dropped his vodka in shock. He was too drunk to move with finesse by now, so he settled for pretending to look for something on the floor, keeping his head down, hands moving frantically around while he 'looked' for the 'knife' he'd 'dropped' nearby.

'RUSSIAN! VHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?' yelled Richtofen, spitting slightly. Grabbing the Cossack's collar, he pulled him over, forcing him onto the floor on his back.

'You know I am not to be disturbed!'

Angry, Nikolai stumbled to his feet, picking his vodka up on the way. He'd always hated the way the doctor liked to assert his 'authority'.

'Eh, fuck you doctor. I only came to see if you wanted to share some vodka. But if you're gonna be like that, Nikolai will leave. What the hell were you talking about anyway? You sounded for a minute like you are gay. Hahaha..'

The Russian's deep laugh was cut short by a slap in the face.

'I am not gay! Get out of my sight Russian before I kill you!' squealed Richtofen, his face burning with embarrassment. 'And don't bozher me when I am alone again, or it vill end badly for you!'

'Oh look, German Doctor's getting angry. That means it must be true! Hahaha! German Doctor likes other men!'

Another slap in the face, and Nikolai stumbled over in his drunken state. Sprawled across the floor, he eyed the doctor with some contempt as the other man stared him down.

'Don't make me Wunderwaffe your ass. I am leaving now.' The crazed Nazi ran off down the stairs towards the theater, tripping slightly and cursing quietly in German.

Nikolai grunted at the doctor, and stood up shakily. Fucking crazy Nazi. Creeping quietly down the stairs, he walked over towards the dumpster. Eventually, he pulled out an old, semi-torn, red diary with pale yellow pages inside. Nikolai skipped to the most recent times, and what he read made him feel sick to his stomach. He didn't think it could be real that German Doctor liked men, or, least of all, him. Why him? What could possibly make him appear attractive to a murderous, schizophrenic German? He was too busy lost in thought and confusion, and intoxicated to hear Richtofen approach him from behind.

'Russian; are you still messing with matters zhat don't concern you?'


	2. Schweinhund!

Nikolai slumped in his chair in the ruined theatre, gormlessly staring up at the black and white screen that always seemed to be playing something. He didn't know what movie it was, nor did he care. He had other things to think about, and half a bottle of vodka in his hand. Looking around for potential predators - be it zombies, hellhounds, or worst of all German Doctor, he downed his sorrows in one long swig. _I deserve this_, he thought to himself. The last few days had blurred into one - drinking, killing, drinking, and avoiding the crazed doc. He'd been pretty successful so far, save for one incident yesterday when they brushed against each other on a flight of stairs, the first instance they'd bumped into one another since Nikolai's lucky escape when he stumbled across Richtofen's diary. _I need a bit of me time, or I'll end up like that fucking crazy Nazi_, ran his internal dialogue.

The oh-so-familiar feeling of fuzzy warmth and dizziness trickled its way through the Russian's body, and for the first time in a while he felt happy. Happy to be drunk and alone, ready for a good night's sleep. The empty vodka bottle slipped from his bloodstained hand onto the floor with a clunk, Nikolai felt the room spinning, his body relaxing, eyes getting heavier... and heavier...

Where he awoke was altogether a different matter.

'Oh, good! Ze Russian is coming around!' exclaimed an ecstatic Richtofen, who'd been watching the other man intently for the last several hours.

_Where the FUCK am I? _thought Nikolai. He put aside his routine hangover headache and the nervousness of being in close proximity to the sociopath doctor to take in his surroundings. He was lying down, facing a slightly yellowing white ceiling surrounded by off-white walls doused with spatters of blood. Tall metal shelves stood adjacent to each other, lined with various scary-looking tools and goggles and gas masks and lab coats, and anything else you could possibly think of for someone who loved to experiment on the living. Nikolai had never been in the doctor's lab before, and not a second lapsed between him realising where he was and an overwhelming sensation to get the hell out of there.

When he tried to get up, he was slightly fearful for his life upon realising that his hands and feet were bound tightly... to the doctor's operating table. _I will get raped tonight, or killed. I don't know which is worse... I need some more vodka, _he thought to himself, fidgeting and fighting the leathery straps that bound him to the cold, steel table.

'It's no good... You're tied down razher tightly. You vill find zhat no one can escapes from ze doctor's clutches.' Richtofen said rather smugly, still out of sight. Nikolai looked around, searching for the source of the voice, which proved fruitless. 'I told you not to mess vith matters vhich don't concern you, Russian, and zhat it vould end badly for you. But since ze damage is done, and you know how I feel about you, it would be... most pointless to kill you, as you are essential to our survival also. But rest assured, _schweinhun_d_, _you vill not forget zis...'

The doctor cut off his monologue by startling the Cossack with a cold, bony hand on his face. Looking to his right, there Nikolai saw the other man. It was evident that the doctor had not slept in some time – he was a more pale shade of white than usual, the dark circles under his eyes accentuating his prominent cheekbones, the light on the other side of the room casting a shadow over one side of his face, the other side giving him almost an eerie glow.

'Argh! Get your dirty Nazi hands off my face!' snapped Nikolai, agitated, not for a second taking his eyes off the doctor. _No one touches Nikolai! _he thought to himself.

Richtofen's tone suddenly changed.

'NO! Russian, in zis room, ze only person to bark out orders is ME! You vill not move, you vill not squirm. You vill take your punishment like a man!' A rough hand grabbing his hair forced Nikolai's head backwards, the pain from the impact of his head smacking the steel table on his blinding hangover making him groan out in pain. Closing his eyes to try and block out the pain, they shot straight open again as he felt a presence loom closer to his face, looking down at him with an unrecognisable expression. The doctor moved his head closer and closer to the other man's face, until their noses were millimetres apart.

'You vill not scream, Russian, unless it is my name.' Nikolai felt the Nazi's breath against his face, warm with a smell of a light tinge of... blood? Accepting that he'd have to settle for blocking out the sensations until this whole ordeal was over, the Russian sighed, letting his body fall loose and closing his eyes. A sharp pair of teeth attempting to butcher his neck caught him off guard. He thrashed his limbs and shouted for help, until he was silenced by a pair of thin, smirking lips biting on his more full ones. A familiar cold, bony hand edging its way from his thigh upwards gave Nikolai an indication of events to come.

'Now now, the more you scream the longer it vill be until you can leave.' said a voice in his ear, the warm breath tickling his exposed neck, making him shiver. The doctor continued to whisper into his plaything's ear in German as he snaked his hand over the coarse fabric of his prisoner's crotch. It came as no surprise to Richtofen that the Russian was not yet hard, but he knew he had ways and means of making it so. Stepping it up a level, the doctor moved away to grab something from one of the metal shelves. Nikolai wanted to jump for joy when he returned with an unopened bottle of vodka, and as the other man unscrewed the lid and pushed the bottle into his mouth, he drank it down hungrily.

'It's not really vhat ve drink in Germany, but I sort of like ze bitter taste...' mused the doctor, taking a few swigs and stroking Nikolai's hair. Throwing the vodka bottle across the room, much to his prisoner's detest, Richtofen climbed atop the table, straddling the Russian's hips.

'I vant to show you vhat you're missing by being so resistant..' smirked the doctor, running a single digit down Nikolai's face. He didn't expect what happened next.

'Hey doc, what're you guys doin' in here? We need some... more boards...' A bewildered American accent trailed off as he took in the sight in front of him.


	3. Vhateverrr

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews guys 3! And, Dempsey won't be in this story much. But I will probably write one involving him. ;D**

'DEMPSHEY! What ze FUCK are you doing, schweinhund!' screeched the furious doctor, getting as far away from Nikolai as quick as he could, like the Russian was some sort of disease. He backed away until he got to his desk, not taking his eyes off the confused American in front of him, reaching for the first tool he could.

Richtofen pulled out in front of him a small hand gun, and a scalpel. He didn't know which he could use more to his advantage in this situation, but he wasn't fussy.

'Come over here, American, and I von't hurt you.' spoke the doctor calmly, looking down at the floor as he felt his cheeks burn as Dempsey stared on in bewilderment. Teeth gritted, humiliated, Nikolai signalled for the marine to approach. _Never. Sleep. Again._ were Nikolai's thoughts, running over and over in his head. _Now the others are gonna think I'm gay with the Nazi, they'll talk about me round the Pack-A-Punch machine... They're gonna talk about this more than that weird rumour about Takeo and the cymbal monkey..._

Tank approached the other two men tentatively, not once taking his eyes off Nikolai or the weapons in the doctor's hand. Curious, he HAD to ask the question burning on his mind.

'Hey Doc... why were you sitting on the Russian?'

'Experimental... purposes...' replied Richtofen, choosing his words carefully, eyeing Dempsey with nothing more than loathing.

'OH right doc, I see. Are you by any chance... gay?' Tank grinned, raising his eyebrows up and down devilishly at the man in front of him.

'NEIN! I AM NOT GAY!' spat the doctor, clicking his hand gun and grabbing the American's hand like a madman. Terrified, Dempsey wriggled his hand free and tried to run. 'COME BACK HERE, SCHWEINHUND!' yelled the doctor, chasing the Marine round and round the room. Nikolai leant his head back on the table and sighed. He felt as though his comrades weren't quite up to scratch these days. Now it was all about rumours and feelings, and in Nikolai's opinion, both were for little girls to gossip over. He watched wearily in his state of surrender, still tied to the table.

_FML._

After what seemed like far too long of listening to Tank run about clumsily and crash into things, and the doctor yell profanities and insults in German, a pair of flustered American footsteps went scurrying out of the room and out of earshot.

'Ah, ze stupid Yankee Joe has ruined ze moment. You are free to go, Russian, but be aware. I have my eye on you.' Nikolai heard Richtofen warn, a toxic tone in his voice.

Nikolai was restless. Amidst the stares and whispers from Tank and Takeo, a slowly diminishing vodka supply, and the stress from recent events, he couldn't sleep. Plus, Richtofen hadn't been seen by anyone in a few days. The door to his small laboratory was locked, and the doctor could occasionally be heard laughing manically.

The Russian's eyes burned with tiredness – he hadn't slept in some time now. He was slower and had difficulty concentrating, like when you drink too much caffeine and your mind's racing so fast you find your perception of time slowing down. Slumped on a sofa in the lobby, Nikolai pulled out his vodka. It wasn't his last – he had plenty more, but he was trying to save it given his recent encounters. Spending the majority of your time sober and only drinking when you feel the urge, and in moderation, was Nikolai's idea of hell. Sipping the bitter liquid slowly, he waited til he'd gathered up enough Dutch courage to find the doctor. God knows, he'd need it.

The tipsy Russian pulled himself up, nervous. Every step he took – every flight of stairs, every little corner, corridor and passageway, his heart pounding faster. After what seemed like a lifetime, Nikolai found himself in front of the doctor's lair.

*knock*

'NEIN! I am very busy! I know vhat you are here for, Dempshey, and I already told you I don't have any more vood for ze barriers! Not zhat I vould give it to you anyvay!' said an irritated German voice loudly.

*knock*

'DEMPSHEY! Fuck off! The doctor is BUSY!'

*knock*

An angry monologue came from within the room, getting progressively louder, until it was loud and clear in German. Richtofen opened the door, a madman glare replacing the look of vague irritation on his face as he eyed Nikolai up and down.

'Vhat.' hissed the doctor, quietly. 'Have you come to ask for boards? Or have you come to poke fun at my emotions, or to be useful by donating yourself to medical science, Russian?'

Nikolai was taken aback. He thought the doctor would have been pleased to see him – just a few days ago he'd been kidnapped by the same man and strapped to a table. The cold look in the skinny German man's eyes signalled otherwise, and he thought for a moment about leaving. But Nikolai Belinski was no pussy – he wasn't going to back out now.

'No... I didn't, Nazi. Can I come in?'

Richtofen spun on his heel and stormed back into the room, signalling for the Russian to follow. He climbed atop the steel table and sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him and arching his back. Nikolai heard the click.

Eyeing the doctor from head to toe, he noticed the way the light shone down onto his pale skin and eyes, a piercing blue, making them almost sparkle. He had a slightly pointed nose and a pair of whitish thin lips. His hair, somewhat visible under his hat, was slightly greyish in places, not masking the mousey brown around it which framed his features perfectly. Richtofen was a skinny man, and probably a bit malnourished – unlike himself. Nikolai and Tank were the muscle. The doc and Takeo were the brains; that was the status quo.

He studied the doctor's uniform intently, his mind absorbing every piece of information – the little creases, the buttons, the way his Swastika pointed, how his trousers were slightly too big to hug those probably bony hips and skinny legs. Nikolai wondered if the doctor wore a belt.

To the Russian, the crazed Nazi was almost sexy. That, or he was just overwhelmingly bored – or frustrated in the bedroom department. He could hardly remember the last time he saw a hot girl, he was most likely drunk.

'So are you going to keep staring at me like zhat, or are you going to tell me vhy you're here?'

Nikolai snapped back into reality, Richtofen's voice hitting him like a slap across the face. He felt himself blush as he realised what he'd been doing for the past few minutes. The Russian was taken aback when the Nazi spun round to face him, crossing his legs and eyeing him with suspicion.

'I wanted to say sorry about the other day...' Nikolai hated apologising, all the while avoiding the doctor's piercing gaze, cheeks burning.

'Vha... vha... vhateverrrrr...' Richtofen yawned, seemingly nonplussed by the other man's apology. The Cossack saw red, storming over to the Nazi sitting on the table wearing a blank expression. He hopped off the table, and drew himself up to his full height. He was taller than Nikolai, by a couple or so inches.

The doctor kept his tone low, looking down slightly to stare directly into the eyes of his comrade.

'Don't be stupid, Russian. I know vhy you are here. Ze others are making fun of you, and zey fear me, so I convince zem to leave me alone. You seek an escape, and I smell vodka on your breath. I zhink you are finally bored of being alone... how... wunderbah...' the Nazi trailed off as he bought a long, bony-fingered hand up to Nikolai's face, caressing it once and holding it there. The feeling was cold, the Russian revelled in the sensation against his burning cheeks. He closed his eyes.

A pair of soft, warm, thin lips pressed themselves against his slightly chapped ones, causing him to startle. Opening his eyes, Nikolai saw the doctor staring right back at him, a strange look in his eyes he'd never seen before. Gone was the insane glare and the permanently etched frown from stress, replaced with something somewhere between wonderment and a coy smirk...

_That's hot..._ thought Nikolai, his pants in agreement with him as they suddenly felt a little too tight around a certain area. Not knowing what to do with his hands, they stayed limp at his sides while he moved in for another kiss. A pair of hands snaked their way around the Russian's waist and upwards as he gently massaged the other man's lips with his own, til the long skinny arms were wrapped round his shoulders. He put his hands on the doctor's skinny torso, caressing a pair of bony hips and long legs as their tongues stroked against each other between sweet, rough, gentle, firm kisses...

Taking a leap of faith, Nikolai wanted to step it up a bit. Damn, German Doctor was fucking sexy right now. His lips had a more pinkish tint from all the kissing, his eyes hooded by pure lust. Biting down on the skinny German's neck, Nikolai pressed their bodies together, a welcoming sigh in his ear and the feeling of the doctor's raging erection against his hardness encouraging him to carry on. The Russian bit lightly and more firmly between kissing and licking the other man's neck, Richtofen whispering gently into his ear...

'Mmm, Russian, you're so good vith your tongue... I vant you...'

Nikolai didn't care as he felt his headscarf unravel and drop onto the floor, revealing somewhat silky longish brown hair. He threw the Nazi's hat across the room and both men stripped their torsos, their naked upper bodies pressing against each other, heartbeat on heartbeat. A welcome hand snaking its way over Nikolai's already-too-tight crotch made him accidentally moan out loud a bit, he didn't want to come across as enjoying this too much yet. He spread his legs a little, pleasure pooling in his groin and abdomen. _Just go with him_, thought Nikolai. _You can do this, just relax..._

Scooping up the skinny Nazi from under him, he lifted him onto the cold steel table. Spreading the doctor's legs, the Russian made haste as he unbuttoned the other man's pants with ease, a warm, long, rock hard something greeting him underneath. He rubbed up and down, gently at first, slowly getting faster, and harder. The doctor moaned, burying his head in the strong, muscly Cossack's neck, scratching his large torso.

'Mmmm, _ja, mein gott, _Nikolai!' giggled Richtofen, giddy from the rush of finally getting intimate with the Russian, and the beautiful sensations coursing through his body. He felt himself flushing, getting warmer. Nikolai listened, stroking the other man's hair and kissing his cheek, fascinated. He'd never witnessed anything like this before. The doctor snaked his grip back to the Russian's waist, pulling his pants down and gripping his hardness, a low growl escaping his lover's mouth, covering it with his own lips and once again feeling that warm, wet massaging sensation against his tongue.

Both men sighed, and moaned, and kissed, and licked and rubbed, their mutual pleasure binding them together, bringing each other closer, and closer...

The doctor's eyes shot open, he threw his head back, gripping the steel table he was sitting on, moaning. Pleasure coursed through his entire being, wave after wave of ecstasy racking his skinny body as he reached his peak.

'_JA! Nikolai, my god, I'm coming Mmm, ja!'_

The man in front of him, and the sounds coming from him were too much for Nikolai. Sighing heavily, he bucked his hips into the doctor's hand and rode out his release. Both men looked into each other's eyes, and that single kiss that followed afterwards said something to both of them that could never be explained with words. They pulled each other close, forehead on forehead.

'Stay in here, vith me. For a vhile, at least.'

The doctor smiled.


End file.
